Dear Someone, Sincerely No One

Dear Someone,
You probably don't know who I am.
That's okay.
Just know I'm a grain of sand underneath your feet.

You know me, dear Someone.
I'm that person that wishes too much; that dreams too big.
I'm that person who says she hates this and that, when in reality, the thing I hate is myself for caring about you too much.
Perhaps you know me better as No One.

Now do you remember?
That student you gave up on?
That friend that would give you the moon and the stars if she could?
That shivering creature huddled in the dark that you ignored like the plague in December?
Yup... That's me.

Dear Someone,
I do not wish for your guilt; your shame.
I don't want you to say you're sorry or pray for forgiveness to whatever God you have.
I want you to realize that our heart beats are the same, even if I am filth compared to you.

I know you have better things to do than listen to an old stair or the crackling of a dead leaf.
I know I am nothing but an annoying crow to you.
I know... I know... I am nothing but your grief.

Please listen, dear Someone!
Why do you think I let myself be your stair or a dead leaf on the pavement, letting myself get crushed and filthy instead of the soles of your shoes?

I love you, dear Someone! I admire you! How else can I say it?!
I couldn't be a mentor, for what part of me could you look up to?
I couldn't be an equal because it would degrade you.
What else could I do?

I let you step all over me with a smile.
Your words scarred my soul.
Your glares stung my body.
I took it all for you, dear Someone, so you could be considered great.
I took this abuse and went to my heart and locked it away in a file.
I asked for nothing and I still do.

Dear Someone,
I can only hope you remember all those you stepped on and thanked you for it.
And as you continue to walk up the staircase, I hope you remember each step.
Sincerely, No One